Today...

And by today I mean the last three hours.

My goodness I really enjoy Rob Pattinson.

I am turning into such an online stalker. These are kinda like the days where I was in love with Sean Biggerstaff (Oliver Wood on HP).

Gha.

I have been watching his video interviews and one was talking about how guys when they truly think that they are dicks, and then they meet someone they like that they feel a real connection with they think "Stop liking me" but they still hang out with them all the time and they thing "Stop I am going to ruin you!"

Mon Dieu that was an eye opener. 

I have gone back to thinking about Ryan a lot lately. I HATE IT.

I try to avoid it. I try to think of other people. But damn.

I was thinking about it and after some of the stuff that happened I think that he has thought that he has ruined me. Matt said "He says he feels like the devil or something"

Which explains why he is distancing himself.

Back to Robert Pattinson;

I was trying to figure out why I like him so much. Maybe it's because I am trying to prove to myself that if a guy who doesn't wash his hair and has a crappy car, can be absolutely adored, and can be relatively ok with himself, so can I.

Bha.

I am so sick of myself right now. I don't even know why all the time. I kind of feel like wallowing in my own self hate. Regardless I will get sick of it and temporarily change so i can feel better about myself for a little while. But ah. Whatever. I am tired.

Time for bed.

Here is the video. Watch it all if you have time, he is really fascinating. Warning: 15 min long!

http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid301778988/bctid1906945203