So I have this nasty terrible habit of being really negative. I would like to vent quickly and get it off my chest.
1.Damn Ryan.
I hate that I still give him this kind of power over me. It's hard for me to not talk or think about him all the time. God bless Andy and many others that have had to listen to me swoon and gripe over him. However,I would like to say that it hurts me way more than I would like to admit that he is sooo close to Katy. I keep trying to figure out where I come up short.
Is it my hair?
My smile? ( I do have ridiculous teeth)
Was I too nice?
Too Clingy?
I worked so hard for 2 months not trying to rush into a friendship and she sweeps in and carries him away from me. The good person inside me wants to believe that she will be a good friend. The other part of me, who is a cynical survivor believes she is only being my friend so that she can encourage me to get over Ryan so she can have him all to herself. Well I can thank him for encouraging my cynical look on life. I feel betrayed.
2. Pride
Thanks to my lovely Ryan dilemma I have been thrown into philosophical roller coaster. In the midst of my screaming over the first hill I realized that I was ok and buckled in. So now I am trying to figure out the rest of the roller coaster and be able to prep myself for the next big hill. In my lit class we have been discussing pride, the heart of tragedy. Without it, one cannot accomplish greatness, because believing in yourself is the key to success. However, when one has too much that is where they fall in their greatness. So I have been trying to find out where I fit. I am trying not to belittle myself in my thoughts. While trying not to make myself seem better in my own eyes than I really am. I just need to accept myself for who I am. Strengths and weaknesses.
So that's about all that's really bothering me. Besides my lack of spirituality. I prayed for the first time in weeks last night. It felt so good. It felt like home. I really am a spiritual person. I feel sad and empty without it. I need to remember how much I love God.
Things that are making me happy as of yet;
-Twilight comes out soon I have been watching interviews with Rob Pattinson, I find him really great. I feel like I could get along easily with him. He is intelligent, funny, and charming. I will devote a whole other blog to that.
-Andy Gann is such a wonderful friend. She is just so patient and kind with me and is really protective of me. She helps me see myself for who I am, which is a good person. She keeps me sane!
-I finally got some pictures printed off for Philip! Ah. it's taken forever. I am really excited to send them to him. But they are huge and I will have to buy a huge envelope so they will fit! I am going to try and overnight it!
-I have gone to ALL of my classes lately. And it hasn't been half bad, I kinda enjoy it. I have motivation to do school work again it's really nice.
-Ryan's friend Matt is really great. He makes me happy! I really want him to come visit Ryan so I can hang with him!
Ok that's all for now, I am going to write a blog about why Rob Pattinson is so great.
This blog is so long already. I am amazing at making things long an drawn out!
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