Jay Row

God in his utmost genius, finds the most creative ways to get His message to me. This is because I can't seem to take the time to listen to Him. His medium of choice tonight? A playlist I made for a friend.
I created it in the hopes to warm him up to some of my favorite music. And for some reason I mindlessly clicked on this playlist. All 43 songs are some of my utmost favorites, and take me back to different times in my life.
When I hear them it takes me to who I used to be. Which has only shown me how much I have grown and how much I have gone through.
At this point I feel like I have been hurt so deeply by so many people that there is nothing that can hurt me. As of most recently,  all my psychological will power has been tested. It takes everything that I have inside of me to stay positive and forgiving. Not only to others but to myself as well.


My emotions are like the waves of the sea. They come i swells. At times I feel like I can barely keep afloat. At others I feel like I am lost in the vast ocean unable to tell where I am; losing all sense of reference. When a wave crashes down on me I have to fight to save myself from drowning.
This playlist gives me hope. It reminds me that I have gone through such things before, and at a lesser state of mind. God is wonderful for reminding me of this.
All the while His message has stayed the same: You are mine.
Continually He blocks my path to men. Even just little things. He will allow no sense of comfort. At times it's hard to remember that it's His hand doing this. I feel so rejected and unwanted. But I know this is God calling me to Him.
He wants me to forget about men for a while. Easier said than done. Well, God I will have to rise to your challenge