Well, Tiara, what do you want from your life?

I want understanding and knowledge.
I want to see the world and experience people.
I want to play music.
I want to see life for it's beauty.
I want to help people.
I want to love. Myself. Others. Life.
I want independence to make my own choices.
I want to have a deep relationship with God.
I want to create who I am.
I want to have an education and a job that love .
I want to find my security in Jesus.
I want to enjoy my body for the rest of my life.
I want to create beautiful things.
I want to be intelligent.
I want to fight for what is important to me.
I want to have the courage to face the things that scare me.
I want to make decisions on more than just a passing moment.
I want to mean what I say.
I want happiness.
I want my friends to come to me for rest.
I want to live in Portland.
I want to travel to every continent.
I want to speak another language fluently.
I want to enjoy life.

God is amazing. I am so glad he blessed me with such amazing friends who would love me and remind me that everything will be ok. The buzz and warmth of the heater, Iron and Wine sounding in my laptop speakers. It feels good. This sense of comfort. This safe place that God made for me.
There are so many beautiful things in this world;
Pumpkin roasted coffee beans
Girls who understand and have the same weakness for men
More colors found in a candy store than a prism
Watching a beautiful guy cheer leading the Mcdonald's workers.
Finally finding out the name of the untitled song on your playlist.

And bow to the applauding crowd. I am a class act failure.

this will be the condemning momentary lapse of judgment.
God damn my heart.

Jesus, John Krasinski, and Rob Pattinson; the only men that will never fail me.

Guys in my life are so disappointing right now. So many, for so many different reasons.
I start training at MRS tomorrow. A little nervous, but hopeful.

I need you here tonight just like the ocean needs the waves.

This is a comment I left Danyon. It just kind of hit me and I thought it was slightly more clever than most of the other comments I leave people.

I just want to tell you how much I miss you:
I miss you like fish miss the ocean. Even though most of them don't even know what it is.
I miss you like helium balloons miss being tied to a child's wrist when they in the cold lonely atmosphere.
I miss you like swiss cheese misses the matter that once filled it's holes.
I miss you like Micheal Scott misses the point.
I miss you like birds miss being dinosaurs.
I miss you like parachute pants miss being cool.
I miss you like saber tooth tigers miss being not extinct.
I miss you like 8.5"paper misses being a 85' tree.
I miss you like the continents miss hugging each other in Pangaea.
I miss you like swine miss the days without the flu.
I miss you like pennies miss being valued and being put in a pocket instead of being left on the ground.
I miss you...

I miss being in Powell so much. I have been in a kind of slumber lately. The days just drift by like dreams. I honestly can't remember what I have done for the last 3 weeks. Andy arrived safely in Cody today. I miss her so much. Part of me started planning on moving up there again this weekend and finding a job. But I won't for 3 reasons.
1. I love my family and my sisters. I want to spend more time with them.
2. My grandparents remodeled the basement for me. I would feel awful not living in it.
3. I wouldn't have anywhere to live haha.

I was really sad for about a half hour but it got me thinking of who I was when I was with my friends in Powell and it made me miss them more but it some how gave me strength to wake up from this groggy dream.
WHOA.
Profound thought. This is much like our relationship with God. I mean if we think of Jesus Christ and who we were in the premortal life it will help up us awaken that person inside of us and to walk even closer with God.

:) ANYWHO. I am really tired.

The Reading Rainbow!!!

Holy Cow.
Talk about smart cookie.
The Dali Lama is absolutely amazing. He is quickly becoming one of my heros.
I want so bad to have a conversation with him. Those would be some of the most amazing minutes of my life.
My dad bought this book he wrote called Ethics For The New Millenium. I started to read it and my dad let me take it because he said that it wasn't exactly a summer read. The first chapter was fine, but then the Dali Lama started talking about reality and what it is and my head started to spin too fast. haha I think I know what he meant, but these type of books are my favorite. So I will take the headaches with a smile. I am also reading Captivating, it is a Christian devotional-type book. It's pretty amazing it explores the nature of a woman's heart. It's crazy how accurately it describes what I am feeling. I love books that inspire me to become introspective. My favorite thing is to finish a book and feel like a different person. I hate wasting my time on poorly written books. I can't read LDS fiction novels, they are 2 dimensional with hardly any substance.


"Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend - or a meaningful day."

The Threesome.

Justin and Seth, together we are:
Ghost Hunter addicts.
wildly inappropriate.
in a battle to see who can be more awkward.
guitar players (in varying degrees of skill, me being at the lowest end of the spectrum).
fender fans.
people who like to eat dinner at 5 every night.
the threesome.

My body is my canvas, fashion will be my paint.

So I have a problem and a plan.

Problem: I am not a huge fan of my clothes, I feel frumpy and boring. I keep fluctuating in sizes so it seems pointless to buy clothes. But I feel like my clothes are just something to cover my body not a way of expressing myself. I don't have enough money to recreate a wardrobe.

Plan: Ok. This is going to take some effort. But it will work and I will be happy. So I think I am going to have Haley do this with me. Anyone else that wants to rise to the challenge, please do.

Step 1: Go through magazines and online stores and pick out pieces that I want in my wardrobe. And what I like about them. And making a picture notebook of it.
Step 2: Map out all the used clothing stores and ross' and then plan a route!
Step 3: Gather needed supplies; Smart water, granola, sweet mint gum, crocs, camera, and etc.
Step 4: Try and find articles of clothing similar to the previously discussed over priced pieces. It will be a marathon. I am thinking it will take all day, maybe even two. I want to redo my wardrobe for hopefully under $200.
Step 5: Wash all the clothes...twice.
Step 6: Spray my wardrobe in my perfume. And relish in my newfound expression.

Warm and Fuzzy

Your life is an occasion rise to it.
-mr. magorium

Tomorrow...

will be full of clorox and vacuum bags and laundry detergent.
Oh and the office.
I will enjoy it! I am looking forward to it.



"No human relation gives one possession in another... every two souls are absolutely different. In friendship and in love, the two side by side raise hands together to find what one cannot reach alone." Kahlil Gibran

Once again...

I adore this man. I think he is so unconventional.
I could see us being really good friends. I just love that he is not pretty ALL the time.
I relate. I feel like we could just hang out. He is one of my idols, along with Angelina Jolie

McDonalds, Marriage, Movies

I was proposed to today in McDonalds.
It was classy. I will soon be Mrs. McLaren/Howley.
When I went to pick up some food tonight, Gabe wanted some too so I went to the window and I tried to pay them and they gave me three back. I was so confused and then they handed me my bag of food and it had a note attached that read: Tiara, will you marry me? Love Ryan and Gabe xoxo
I love those boys. They are my favorites.
We are watching Henry Pool is here. Which is now up there on my top ten faves.
Gabe doesn't seem to be enjoying it that much. It's very artistic, the use of color is amazing. It has a really great message behind it. It's one of those "life" movies. So it's kinda slow moving and there are no explosions...sorry.
But it's still worth watching

oh and the soundtrack is really good!

I feel like a stale cookie

Ever have those days?

hello new world

hmm...
I am tired of being lazy. The last month has mostly been me putting things off.
I am done.
I have a lot to do and I hate that I am wasting my life away. I know that I have no one to blame for my faliures
but myself.
I have so many things I would like to change but I have no idea where to start...
Here are some of the goals I have come up with:
*Do laundry every weekend.
*Keep a balance book so I know exactly how much money I have in the bank.
*Exercise at least 4 times a week.
*Drink at least a bottle of water everyday 2 bottles if I have a DP
*Snack healthier
*Do Yoga everyday
*Manage my time better by spending less time socializing
*Be willing to help those that need help without any irritation
*Take care of my responsibilities when I have time instead of putting them off
*Stop making excuses for myself
mmm yup sounds like a start.

Some kind of magic
Happens late at night
When the moon smiles down on me
And bathes me in it’s light

I fell asleep beneath you
In the tall blades of grass
When I woke the world was new
I never had to ask
Most kind of stories
Save the best part for last
Most stories have a hero who finds
You make your past your past
Ya you make your past your past

It’s a brand new day
The sun is shinning
It’s a brand new day
For the first time
In such a long long time
I know
I’ll be ok

This cycle never ends
Gotta fall in order to mend
-Brand New Day by Joshua Radin

Incandescent

mmm...
sometimes I have bad days and sometimes I have good.
I am happy to say that today is the latter.
I wish I could explain how great today was. It was in near perfect harmony.
I love my friends so much it's ridiculous.
You know when your different groups of friends run into each other and don't always get along?
So many came together today. Sometimes its a disaster. Either they don't like each other and it's just awkward because you're the only thing they have in common.
Or they get along so well you are pushed out of the picture.
That wasn't the case today.
Everyone seemed to get along really well. Everyone seemed so happy and pleasant.
All my favorite people here in Powell were in my day today.
There are people here I run into that just make my day.
And I saw them all frequently today.
For the first time in a while I feel so loved.

Unpleasant

I am doing my algebra during the superbowl. 

I really don't care for either.

I am slowly losing my motivation...and my sanity.

Radiating Fingers

Tonight pretty much consisted of Seth, David, and Justin trying to show me the guitar.

I was surrounded by people with are musically inclined. I felt like a such a noob.

So I looked up the tabs for Unwinding Cable Car by Anberlin. And I have been trying to play it.

My fingers are radiating heat from trying to play.

I also modeled today it was difficult. I was a mannequin. Modeling sun glasses.

I am not such a huge fan of my cheeks.I don't like my creases running from my nose to my mouth.

But really I can't change it. So I should get over it.